death coach

by lifewish

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    download includes five bonus tracks I wrote as Lifewish




so this is almost three years of music
the first ten songs I wrote in the past year as Forrest Ranger
the rest were written at one point or another the two years prior
called myself PBJ Princess for a while so she's in there somewhere
I don't play a lot of these songs anymore


released July 30, 2016

the will to get out of bed in the morning
the ceaseless fidgeting of public speakers
those who find strength through adversity
the admission of total ignorance



all rights reserved


Lifewish Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

bad habits
lucky lucky
reel it in
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Track Name: living each day as if it is your last is emotionally unsustainable
the steam from combustible fossil fuels
+ form some procession of molecules
a dreamless conception in tidal pools
a seamless perception of ruling rules
we're turnin' to talk, turnin' to tumble
turnin' to walk, turnin to fumble
for fate in decay, to crumble + fade
find sleeping bodies + kick them awake

*well there's an evolutionary argument
hell it's a pleasure being part of it
a temple with an organ at the heart of it
the knotted yarn you severed cuz' you couldn't find the start of it
you lost your way, you gotta ways to go
+ you wouldn't say, you made it so
you could syncopate or you could sink the boat
you seized the day + you cut it's throat

papa paid attention a hell to pay
mama said she don't know-what to say (I)
gotta head up on holiday
I gotta get up this morning
when it gets dark we don't need sun-tan lotion
we parked the car + left the trunk wide open
we're cool + smooth as the camels we're smokin'
swimmin' with sharks but it's a big, wide ocean


where the water meets the land
we'll pray to god we had two hands
+ dig our toes deep in the sand
we'll let the ocean drink us in
+ when electrolytic wind
+ how the water heals the skin
where the freckles spiral in
the dead sea taught me how to swim

Track Name: nuclear
papa's in the lava, mama's seek + hide
thunder's just the lightning listening to itself die
sister sits with baby, brother says goodbye
grandpa told me anything worth fighting for's a lie

*hey! the rats came out to play
you don't say? 'bout a thousand yesterday?
ok so, wait though, the cat just ran away?
a waylay, mayday, naysay or obey

sudden death, sudden breath
god of mercy, let the world end in a tie
sudden moments when the red sea opens
+ you can't stop to ask why, + suddenly I'll start to cry
suddenly the sun retreats
your cousins ashes at your feet
he wasn't worth his weight in meat
so to the victor goes defeat
as every cycle is complete
+ you are only excess heat
the means compel your heart to beat
between each breath both your ends meet


sudden death, sudden breath
god of mercy, let the world end in a tie
thunder's just the lightning listening to itself die
sudden moments when the red sea opens
+ you can't stop to ask why, + suddenly I'll start to cry
for anything worth fighting for
Track Name: second semester
have confidence, amphetamine
take self-defense, eat dopamine
may nervous sense + lucid dream
say never meant + never mean
have confidence, amphetamine
take self-defense, eat dopamine
may nervous sense + even mean
apology in running dream

*x by x + x by y
rivers flow + mountains cry
time erodes + deltas dry
low-d-low + high-d-high
let it roll + close your eyes
nigh-d east + rainy skies
any flows a lazy ride +
swivel tow goes left oar right

dope over donuts, coke blowing cake
we're eve + the apple, believing the snake
could + I won't say so, should + I don't know no
ironies is Socrates' lotto scratchers hitchin' Jesus
heathens heating swimming pools cuz'
satan is super cool + christ died in catholic school, like:
"son of god? he's such a tool."
could + I do say so, should + I may not though
sophie don't like Plato, wherefore thou Romeo

Track Name: bipolarity
*so happy I could die
+ sadly still alive
when I can't say it's a surprise
I'll tell you what, I'll tell you lies
I am a risk I can't advise
a diagnosable disguise
I is a consolation prize
so I wear a mask with holes for eyes

better was bad for me
mythical prophecy
bipolar symmetry
major aggressively
auto community
ritual botany
po-mo lobotomy
faux pas posterity
better for good to be
sodom eternally

Track Name: taxi
*where to, + what'cha gonna do when you / get there?
why me? + why you? out of / no where
what's new, you're always passin' through inhalin' / stale air
how true, but you can't know what you'll do until you / get there
there is anywhere that you could care to spare the cab fare

midnight in Paris
high noon in Juno
heard what I said but I
meant it like, you know
it is what it is
a colloquialism
look see what I did
fit the phrase to the rhythm
I never been better
so I always been worse
I re-read the letters
+ still said those words
kid you can't do no wrong
but you're bitter alright
man I don't belong here
I'll walk, yeah, goodnight

Track Name: waterbird
*in a net to the water
the predator prey
in a net to the water
the animals stay
in a net to the water
+ a nimmo today
in a net to the water
I'm swimmin' away

some young bird in some old dress
+ mama's two cents, penniless
the season sprung the cuckoo's nest
+ the afternoon's a new day's rest
so the wanderings stars share a sun with me
so the rovers on mars if + if if only
so as to find a way out (+)
blues skies are nothin but grey clouds wrung out

Track Name: same difference
what's it really fuckin' matter
what's it called? I went + lost my words
wouldn't worry 'bout the chatter
brother better use your verbs

*start talkin' / start talkin' / start walkin'
keep walkin' / keep walkin' / start talkin'
keep talkin' / keep talkin' / keep walkin'
keep talkin' / keep talkin' / keep talkin'

where is everybody going
do you think that I could come along
wouldn't worry yourself loathing
wouldn't say that you were wrong, just


the similarity is difference
the difference is the same
I wouldn't worry 'bout the distance
but time is just a losing game

keep talkin'
Track Name: so's
*so the truth is there is none
the proof is you got one
the girls want to have fun
the boys need their toy guns
the last laugh
the first tear
the half day
the school year
forgotten for now dear
remember you live here
your home sits on quicksand
you're drinking your last stand
this is not what you planned
you reach for the ledge +
you take a step backward
trip on your shoelace
crack your head open
your mom says: "I told you so"

so? so what? so's so.

so fear for your life
everyday of your life
you can make a new life
you will learn to love life
there is nothing like life
to be found in this life
all surrounded by life
giving birth to all life
O' miraculous life
unbelievable life
that I might have a lifetime
to contemplate life
have a dream about life
where I end my own life
where I wake up in bed
kinda glad I'm not dead

so? so what? so's so.

Track Name: the great always everywhere
there's a hole in my head that the light goes into
there's a tube in a tube that the food follows through
there's a drum in my ear: one, two, one, two, one, two
+ I button my belly, (achoo) god bless you, + I

forget my manners, I'd forget this head
if not for this body, the same weight in lead
I wake + I whimper: "just get out of bed"
cuz' if times were much simpler I would have stayed dead

I don't know what you want, + I can't tell you either
this world's without ends + all sirens deceivers
just stop, drop + roll, feed a cold, feed a fever +
fuck those old housewives, they're desperate believers

in any old story, I'll spare the details
our love lasts a lifetime, the hero prevails
they run home to mother to find her grown frail
+ boast to their brothers, flip through the mail
Track Name: another one
fuck this
nah, fuck that
nah, fuck you
fuck, too soon
I never earn
I barely earn
I crash + burn
I pay cash + turn
my blind eyes
my shoulder's ice
I slice + dice, +
I pick the price, cuz' I
know my rights
I've had my nights
I stop for lights
+ I own a knife
I'm outta here
I'm outta beer
I'm low on fuel
+ I'm full of fear
so I blow smoke
so I breath smoke
so I need smoke, +
I hate smoke
so I fight fire
I chill w/ rain
I drink w/ god, yeah
I know their name
+ they feel my pain
it doesn't help
if nothin' else
they don't know myself

+ I want another one
Track Name: luv
don't it so-romantically
don't take it slow, fake it swollen + manically
freedom, America, god + his son got me
teethin', and breathin' even eatin' the sun

I don't love you but
I don't mean it cuz'
I don't hate you but
I don't mean it cuz'
I might love you but
I don't mean it cuz'
I might hate you but
I don't mean it cuz'
I don't love you but
I don't mean it cuz'
I don't hate you but
I don't mean it cuz'
I might love you but
I try not to cuz
if I had to I'd
hate to leave you

so much
harder on the brakes than you
a light touch
+ a little foresight ought-a do
you're so rushed
can't see the lights you're speedin' through
that soul crush
a little flash of red + blue +
foot down
I'm rolling out the passenger side
find it in your heart to drive
or get found
I'll meet you at county in 5
+ I'll see you in town

I don't love you but
I don't mean it cuz'
I don't hate you but
I don't mean it cuz'
I might love you but
I try not to cuz
if I had to I'd
hate to leave you
Track Name: +
I wanna hear you call me stupid again
I wanna be a little sliver of your circle of friends
I wanna die sometime

sometimes it takes stomach just to eat
never be ashamed of anything you need
keep applying pressure to the wounds that bleed
papas in the air + mamas tappin' her feet

who says roof means shelter
it's your guess what you saw or felt so
blindly play the hand you're dealt
hearts in spades, you're a chance in hell

lost + just as well forgotten
I don't lose my god that often
we hopped the gate + landed soft
until st. michael chased us off

+ lord knows, it only hurts inside
but I'd rather cringe than run or hide
those ghosts will teach you how to live
if you can teach them how to die

you just happened there
you weren't meant to care
but you should breath the air
'til livin's less to bear
+ if it's all we share
at least you'll be somewhere
the rent is low, the sentence fair
you crossed a line in truth or dare

dare you to inhale forever
+ I'm glad you don't
see us together
Track Name: Hemingway
coulda been Hathaway
woulda been better that way
coulda been yesterday
woulda been better that way
coulda been half my age
woulda been Hathaway
coulda been yesterday
woulda been yesterday
Track Name: commisive
*we're going to the graveyard
we're painting pentagrams on mausoleums
we're going to the old barn we're
raising calicos I gotta see 'em cuz
were going to the box cars
we're runnin' wild, steamin' believin'
we're going to the north star
we'll tape our soles + hitch to eden

I been layin' down the railroad tracks +
I been prayin' they'll take me back
you caught pneumonia, your mother passed
the last canary's lungs collapsed
say, blood, sweat, coal + the rails you ride
need an engine boy w/ burnin' pride +
shadows moving mountain sides
a future fueled by dynamite

Track Name: imperative
have you seen the sun through eyelids +
have you lived in ultraviolet
have you been the warm + wildest
have you seen the world through childish
wonder what it's like to be
anything I don't call: "me"
seeds that made it into trees or
kids still blowing in the breeze

*(well) rainy nights rest should keep you awake
so hail to the roots + the glorious day
you were planted
you frantic romantic
got a wish, (+ wished it)

sink, like a stone with spin
skip like vinyl homes you've been
in the flick of the wrist I don't understand
I'm in the rhythm of clicks spin me again
+ let it play, throw it underhand
let momentum say, all the words I can't
+ have Lennon stay, he'll be your man
we're not both they, still not like them


that we're dying
that we should be happy
that it's not up to us
it's up to anyone
that we're crying
that we should be happy
that it's not up to us
it's up to everyone

Track Name: crucifix
*nuns know + guns go

don't say those words to me
you're hidden by my apathy
you can't teach me to be
+ you don't learn how to breathe
deaf men never listen
+ blind men they don't see
the pieces that you're missin'
make your whole identity


skateboard through the afternoon +
howl-bark at the big blue moon
sleep-walk to the .22 +
sweet talk me a honey-boo

Track Name: lugubrious motherfucker
I gave up my father's name
forgot which Richard was to blame
lost everything he had to gain
cost nothin' more than sacred shame, see
faith doesn't flow from a bottle
or stay red in a dead man's veins, yeah
faith is femoral, ephemeral
love without pain

flower losing petals, no way, no way, no
talking to the devil, no not these days, hey
baby won a medal for being brave, now
mamas in the chapel says it's all okay but
I'm still waking up nervous
the nightmares know right where the nerve is
ran out on the funeral service
no body, couldn't see the purpose

devil says: "for shame"
+ we all play his favorite game
we prod the weakest link while he keeps
tugging on the chain, says well:
"hollow out the earth, the shell
will resonate with screams," said:
"when the host's a living hell
we'll still be parasitic dreams"
Track Name: experimenting with survival
well I've tried livin' +
in fact I gave it 18 years to take
+ I've tried givin' up
but everyday I waste is just a break
from what I know I must
from tryin' harder just because
I'm here alone, but sometimes know
we're all stuck in this sinking boat

that's why you gotta hope
the world's not always at your throat
+ if you take the time you'll realize
that your parents eloped
so what's that mean to you
every moment through + through
if I meet you tonight, you've lived a whole life
sadly I have too
Track Name: AC
pull the lever
watch it spin
life's a gamble
we're all in
pray to god +
hope for heaven
pockets tell the truth
if all this
glamour wasn't
more than proof
that bitter hands
will feed this city
hey desperation's
kind of pretty +
face to face with
broken odds
they're braver than
I ever was
raisin' swords
to double doors
lose the battle
win the war
+ go back home
to all your fluid assets
all the booze you
haven't drank yet
all the food you'd
never bet would
fill your stomach
with regret
Track Name: space bags
*I'm gonna get'cha cat'cha
one more time
+ if I get a chance we'll dance like
you are mine
pretend we're friends +
drink some wine
sink in pink +
think you're fine

sorry, took your everything
my actions don't say what I mean
but you're not you + I'm not me
I think that we lie in between
two people, that we call ourselves
I didn't mean to make this hell
despite what seems, god damn, oh well
these mortal sins are tremors quelled +
earthquakes punish innocence (in a sense)
but so do I w/ no repent
you said don't leave I know I can't, got
empty pockets, money spent on
nights, where you can tell me how
the boy that loves you doesn't now
maybe hates your tortured brow you
tweezer princess, squeeky ow
only lonely trees don't make a sound

you're in the same place that I left you
only this time I can't catch you
you're falling faster now
than you were then (+ are there)
people out there left who don't see
bitterness perpetually
calling for disaster
when it can
+ I know that you been so damn kind
I been running from my own damn mind
but there are always words that love you:
I, me, oh, my, god; that's just a few

sink in pink +
we were better blind
sink in pink
leave nothin' on the line
sink in pink +
you're the crying kind
sink in pink +
we will each be fine
Track Name: megafauna
to be heard
we're similar victims
analogous hurt
wretched fire burns
grass grows + green knows
sun from dirt

red, white + blue in
an '02 Toyota
made up of cells
+ I won't separate them
made up of bonds
+ I will never break them
Track Name: basic existentialism
half of you's my mother's eyes
+ every time I felt alive
bathroom stalls + broken pride
my family calling from inside
+ half of you's that emptiness
the vodka on your father's lips
the taste of every muted kiss
the pale complexion, hidden fists

whoever you want to call it
+ whatever you teach to care
I'm the horror of being wanted
before I was unaware
filling in forgotten cracks
+ building up I'm looking back
see I'm the heart you painted black
+ even I'm okay with that

*I think the lesson's clear
you're the ones not joking here
shouldn't have been smoking, cheers
to vices, lungs, forgotten years, hey
haven't we all had a few
I had a few too many too
+ life is something fun to do
but it's up to you to make that true

hit me with your car
I need a new guitar
who said livin's easy
I find dyin' pretty hard
the ghosts they always tease me
'bout my busy bodied heart
you can feel it in your knees
+ you can hear it through the dark, asked it:
"why, what, where," it said:
"lub-a-dub," I
said: " alright we're kickin bub, we're
in the ring without our gloves, so
dialate, give me some love"

Track Name: Ruth
when were you cut off
when did you pass into this world
your mother's womb is where all
warmth + what's home once swirled
when did you leave
you found this unique misery
when did existence
become your responsibility
taking life too serious
can tie you up in knots and there you'll be
misshapen person
never learn to loosen up
+ if the truth compels you blindly
you're not seeing anything
caught up in yourself you can't tell
gospel from muffled screams

I've got an aunt named Ruth
she's got a dog named Riley
a golden labrador retriever
she raided as a puppy
my aunt Ruth
she never got married
my aunt Ruth
she always looks so happy
whenever she's around
she tell me she's so proud of me
when I was learning how to drown
she taught me how to breathe
she loves that dog
she loves until she's weak
now Riley knows no pain
but he won't listen to her speak

*the things you love will kill you
but you're living anyway
so do everything you can do
thank the world + all it's grace, for we are
born of every evil man, the kings of old
+ every evil race
you are the sun's posterity, hail his majesty
put a smile on your face

there are woods near my dad's old house
that I used to call my home
they taught me how to love myself
that everything green must at some point be nutured + grown
I stared at my hands, laughed at the fact of how
anything here could be owned
just hands, I can't find the priviledge to
pillage this beautiful land
strength gives us hope, hope gives us strength
+ we kill what we don't understand
god don't exist, but we're all sacred sons screaming
why not just give love a chance
the burden of man's not the power, the drugs or the money
how each passing hours the same
the burdens yourself, + dreams of fear
by a different name

Track Name: particle phonics
what is held therein
+ the shells
through which we shine
the outermost
consume, decay
the inner-ghost
the angel's abandoned post
the shell that's pulled in way too close
our masked attempts at tracing souls
so reach for a hand
grab an ankle + pull up
find among w/in
even fusion brings destruction